I Wonder.

“Some choices we live not only once but a thousand times over, remembering them for the rest of our lives.”

Richard Bach

 

How happy is the blameless vestal’s lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray’r accepted, and each wish resign’d;
Labour and rest, that equal periods keep;
“Obedient slumbers that can wake and weep;”
Desires compos’d, affections ever ev’n,
Tears that delight, and sighs that waft to Heav’n.
Grace shines around her with serenest beams,
And whisp’ring angels prompt her golden dreams.
For her th’ unfading rose of Eden blooms,
And wings of seraphs shed divine perfumes,
For her the Spouse prepares the bridal ring,
For her white virgins hymeneals sing,
To sounds of heav’nly harps she dies away,
And melts in visions of eternal day.

It’s very real.

I don’t sleep well, i don’t eat well.

Joel: I can’t see anything that I don’t like about you.
Clementine: But you will! But you will. You know, you will think of things. And I’ll get bored with you and feel trapped because that’s what happens with me.
Joel: Okay.
Clementine: [pauses] Okay.

-Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind

 

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Hands shivering, but it’s okay.

Photo @Philip Gan

Beauty is not only a terrible thing, it is also a mysterious thing. Where God and the devil strive for mastery, and the battlegound is the heart of Men.

- Fydor Dostoyevsky

well said. i would say.

I want to be wild at heart
I want big adventures to live for
I want to have a beauty to rescue

Wild at heart
Big dreams and hopes that i’m dying to fight for it. having days spend traveling the world, touring gigs/concerts.
That’s my dream at least.
I think all guys are born with that. the “I wanna head out and be that” attitude.

Living a little bit more dangerously today.

Starts today.

—————————————————————-

Big adventures
“Does it have to start with a broken heart, broken dreams with bleeding parts.”

I guess it does.  it takes a big God to have big adventures.

Starts today.

—————————————————————

Beauty to rescue
I want to be the first one to say “hey.. Everything’s gonna be alright.”
To say “you look really pretty today”
To see the world behind your eyes.
To be on an adventure with you.

To pursue, fight for.
I want to fight for you.

Will i be able to? can i pull it off? Can i make it at all? Can i do it at all?
If i went by my track record today.
i know that it and i  would not be good enough.

but i’m here.
offering my strength.
I’ve decided and i’m here. strength.

Can i fight for you? i’m hanging on.

Starts today and will continue on.

—————————————————————–

If time was never on my side.
Then before i die, i wanna burn out bright.

Keeps me hanging on, so contagiously.

 

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I’ll call front and i’ll take the first shot.

Fight

Definition: Strength or disposition for fighting; pugnacity; as, he has a great deal of fight in him. 

 

boys grow up “fighting“, believe or not.
i spent most of my childhood imagining i was in a war, would make solid “guns” out of Lego. 
days hiding the garden, dodging imaginary bullets. having to rescue a damsel in distress. 

Despite having been shot down, you refuse to surrender.
Despite having surrounded by enemies, you keep fighting on. 
you don’t give up. YOU NEVER GIVE UP. 
I can remember so clearly of having friends over at the playground opposite my place, having water-gun battles.

it’s not really a “KiaSu” thing but no one wanted to admit surrender despite being soak over and over again by the water-guns.
i guess it’s because we wanted to stay in the game, we wanted to keep on fighting. 

it all i guess prepared us guys on the road to become fighters. 

 

at the end of it all, you’d stand tall and be the hero. 
i guess “fight” is what make guys, rather guys. 

The Question is now if fight is what make guys, guys. then:

What are we fighting for?

I’ve chose to fight for dreams.

I’ve chose to fight hard.

I’ll fight for you if you want me to. but i’ve chose to do so.

 

fight ¹⁶

Definition: exert oneself continuously, vigorously, engage in a crusade for a certain cause or person;

 

Still a little hard to say.

If words could just stop you from going back and just staying.
i think i would say it all.

for a moment there when i paused.

it was pretty hard to say for a moment there.

but yeah, please stay.

 

September please go away.

i realized, one night.
just having to jump out of bed breathing heavily and being overwhelmed.

Oh God, i’m so afraid of September.

Brash and hopeful.
But who am i kidding?
—————————————————————–

Hunting for 500 days of summer premiere tickets.

hopefully i can get my hands on two tickets.

 

Thank you.

Thank you for speaking into my life and just looking out for me.
Thank you for standing up and told me.

“Benji, i want you to give yourself a chance.”

Never again will I fear myself
All of the things I couldn’t change can rest
Never again will my heart turn away from you

-Never again

I think thats what i needed to hear.

Thank you
And thank you “The Big Guy”

 

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